Its a very good day.

Today we had an appointment with Dr. Beaver, Ernie's oncologist.  We went over the bloodwork results from yesterday's appointment with his holistic vet Dr. King.  His WBC was up and appeared there was a bacterial infection.  he ended up getting another skin infection and is on antibiotics for that - so it could be that or his bone marrow doing wacky things.  But she has seen this with other dogs and also so things go back to normal. So no big worry right now.  Also, the kidney values were a bit off and that could be due to the higher amount of protein he is getting in his diet.  The PCV is remaining stable, so no worsening of the anemia.  AND the very good news - his liver values went way down.  Yay!! From the 900s down to the 200s.  He has been taking milk thistle and SamE and recently switched to something called Denamarin.  It is actually both the milk thistle and SamE in one pill.  Believe it or not, this is commonly used and recommended by vets.  I guess I was surprised to hear that herbal and other remedies are starting to become more commonplace in veterinary medicine.  This is a very good thing.  Especially if that is what assisted with his liver values getting closer to normal so quickly!  

Ernie relaxing while we wait for Dr. Beaver

Because Ernie had such a weird week or so following the vincristine treatment, we discussed how to proceed with his chemo.  As I have said before there is a very rare side effect with vincristine and it appears that Ernie was one of the rare dogs that experienced it.  So I don't want him to get that drug again, and Dr. Beaver agrees.  He unfortunately did not have a response to two of the other drugs in the protocol and now the vincristine is out.  So, we decided to just move forward with the power packed chemo drug - doxorubicin.  Also because he had a not so great week last week, I wanted to see about waiting another week for his chemo treatment.  He hasn't put a lot of weight on, and being that the doxorubicin is a power packed chemo drug means Ernie loses his appetite completely.  At least he did the last time.  And he has just started in the past couple of days to get back to his normal self which has been very nice to see.  Dr. Beaver examined him and felt the lymphoma for now is under control and that it would only be a very small risk to wait a week.  We both decided that it would be in Ernie's best interest to delay.  Phew and yahoo.  This whole thing is really about balancing disease treatment and quality of life.  

Tonight we went to Petsmart and he picked out a new toy - well he took it from the sales guy!  :-)  So of course he got it.  And then we found another one he liked.  AND they had stuffed dogs that were only 5.00 and went to support veterans.  So we got that too!  He scored.!!

Tonight I was able to give him his meds/supplements in meatballs.  He also ate some spaghetti with turmeric And he ate chicken and broccoli.  Chicken and broccoli!!  I am praying that the appetite continues through the week.  One day at a time :-)

A new elf to welcome in the holiday season

Toys toys and more toys.  Oh and Charlotte!

 

Ernie gets acupuncture!

Today's visit at the vet went very well! I really like Ernie's regular vet - Dr. King. She practices standard veterinary medicine and also does acupuncture, chinese medicine and other holistic modalities. She has a very calm presence, which is great because Ernie tends to get very nervous at the vet. Today he did very good while getting his acupuncture.  The Chinese believe that one reason disease occurs begins there is stagnation.  So the acupuncture helps with moving energy again among other things.

Charlotte came along today and just patiently waited.  I also had an opportunity to weigh the fatty and she had gained less than a pound.  I was quite surprised!!  

 When Ernie was done Dr. King gave him a new Xmas bandana!  He is hoping that its almost time to leave.  :-)

Dr. King and Dr. Beaver (Ernie's oncologist) discussed Ernie and how he was doing.  Dr. Beaver said that Ernie has not presented like any other dog she has treated.  All of his symptoms have been very unpredictable and different from other dogs.  While I like to think my dog is super special and unique, this is one of those times that I really wish he was just average.  He hasn't had the vomiting and diarrhea that other dogs have had, but he has had other things like the rare side effect of the vincristine.  So we just manage as we go along. But it makes things very frustrating at times.  He has been doing really great this week (except for the brief episode Tuesday morning).  Dr. King prescribed some chinese herbs to use to help with the cleansing his liver.  

Ready to go!!  

And guess who else was here today visiting the vet!

Another episode

Monday morning started out great. And Ernie was back to his normal self. I came home Monday night and he wasn't really that hungry. He had been eating pretty ok for the past few days. Not super fantastic - but he was eating here and there. I decided to head off to the park to play a bit of ball. While tossing the ball he stopped and was breathing heavy and was not himself. We stopped for a bit and then I decided we needed to go home. Once we got home he was tired and laid down and went to sleep. I got ready to go to bed and covered him up and went to bed. Tuesday morning he got up and was still not himself. We went out and he had another wobble episode. I carried him for a bit and then we went in. So now I am super stressed out.... Even if its from the vincristine, it is becoming so super hard to see him like this!! boo. I called the vet and talked to her about maybe increasing the pred. Even though I still feel that its the vincristine, I want to manage these symptoms. I was also freaking out about him maybe having cushings disease - but that is my hypochondriac nature transferred to my dog .... She apologized for not having any answers for me. And the whole thing with him is so weird. But I have read about other dogs having this even though its rare. And actually this side effect does happen commonly in people receiving treatment for lymphoma who are treated with vincristine. Anyways, she said that if it was something neurological then the prednisone could definitely help and said that he would still be on what would be considered a low dose. So I decided that I would up it that night. I left and came home at 3:00. He got up and greeted me like normal. I had brought home 2 Jack in the box breakfast sandwiches. He likes to eat the eggs from them. So he ate two eggs and some lasagna. he was normal again. I left for work. Got home Tuesday night, and still back to normal. but I decide to go ahead an up the pred. But instead of a 1/2 tablet I went with a 1/4 to see if that would make a difference. We went to bed around 10:30pm and he slept through the night. This morning he woke up and went out and all was well. He did great through the day and ate well too. Tonight he was himself again and ate a good dinner. Tomorrow we see his regular holistic vet and he will get acupuncture. I am really looking forward to seeing Dr. King and getting some thoughts on some more herbal supplements. I also want to get her thoughts on his episodes and check his hips and arthritis. crossing fingers, toes and paws that all goes well.

Friday - still not great

So last night I slept on the floor with Ernie until about midnight when he woke up. Charlotte was on the floor next to me for a bit, but she kept scrounging around looking for food... I heard her stealing treats from a bowl i had out for Ernie and then going under the couch to eat them. I never realized how loudly she eats... anyways, I finally did fall asleep. And when he woke up, we went outside. I brought the ball to see what he would do, and he ran and chased it. Whaaaaaat? A few hours ago, he was barely able to walk in a straight line and now ... Back to my thoughts of a reaction to the vincristine. How could he be acting totally drugged, and unable to walk straight and then back to himself? So weird. We went back in and he was ready to play... He finally settled down at 2am and I went back to sleep. When we woke up this morning, he was still fine. We went out and he brought his ball. When my neighbor drove up, Ernie ran up to him and followed him into the house. They invited him to stay for the day. I left for work and called later to check on him. George my neighbor said he was sleeping, but would let me know when he got up and went out to go to the bathroom. he called back and said after Ernie went to the bathroom he laid down and it took some coaxing to get him to come in. I got home at 5 and went to get him. He was completely crashed out. I went home and got his ball. He heard me squeaking it and got up, but was wobbly and drunken acting. So we walked home and he laid down. I had called the vet earlier to give and update and she called that night. I talked to her about what was going on. We talked about adding in the pred, and starting the gabapentin (I hadn't started it yet) but also we wanted to try and figure out if it was the vincristine causing this or what. And adding in too much would prevent us from really knowing. I had done some research on vincristine side effects and peripheral neuropathy is a rare side effect seen in dogs. Others on my list serve have also seen the 'wobble' post vincristine and there was a study on a 14 year old golden retriever who had the same symptoms as Ernie. Gabapentin has been used as a treatment so I decided to start that. Since i was still quite worried and unsure what was going to happen w/ him I slept on the floor again. He was on the carpet so I took the dog bed. Its actually quite comfortable :-) He slept until about 4 am. We went out and came in and I went back to bed. Saturday morning he woke up back to normal again... And was great all day long. I had to leave in the afternoon for a bit and when I got back - still ok. And then Sunday was again a great day. We spent time outside and went to the neighbors for dinner. He didn't have a single wobble all weekend. It was such a huge relief and a big weight off that things had improved so much!

the 29th of December... another collapse

Wednesday we had the collapse and recover ... And then Thursday morning we had a repeat. I was in the bathroom early in the morning and Ernie walked in and fell over and then started urinating. I got up and grabbed a towel and then got him up. We went outside and he was wobbly and weak again. He defecated and wobbled really bad. I picked him up and carried him to the back door and he struggled to walk in the house. Crap. I gave him his iron supplement and a bit of food, his pred and anti nausea. And waited. But he didn't seem to be 'recovering' like he did yesterday. So i showered. When I got out, more of the same. This time I was worried and called the vet. They said to bring him in. I had to drop him off so that my oncologist could see him between appts. While waiting for them to call us, I was waiting for him to fall over. There were other clients in the waiting room and I felt like everyone was staring at us. I know that sounds weird, but most people are in there for cancer treatments of some sort and I feel like people look at you and your dog to see how you are both handling things. Or maybe that's what I do - and I just think everyone else does that. I don't know, but it seemed like it took forever. The tech finally came out (but really I was only waiting maybe 10 minutes) and got some info. Then we went to the dreaded scale. But he had lost less than a pound. I had thought he had lost tons of weight because I so easily was able to carry him. But he was still at 61 lbs. I think an angel was on my shoulder and gave me the strength I needed. So I left him there. Its always so horrible - he never wants to leave me and puts on the brakes. I just have to go - because standing there telling him its ok just makes things worse. It needs to be no big deal. Later that day Dr. Beaver called and said that she would like to do blood work, and also and EKG. She said that she had taken him for a walk and observed the 'drunk walking' like I was talking about. And had also checked his paws for a response, and he had proprioceptive deficits. Basically you flip the back paw over and when the dog doesn't reposition the flipped paw w/in a number of seconds, they have proprioceptive deficits. The reasons for this could be all sorts of things. Lymphoma in the spine, a problem with the spine itself, a herniated disk, etc. And no one at this point was sure what was going on. Part of me was still thinking that this was a reaction to the vincristine (a chemo drug he had gotten) but I was also concerned that it was something much worse. We ruled out the lymphoma in the spine because the episodes come and go - and were not constant. So that was a relief. His heart looked good, his blood pressure was good, the blood values came back good except for the liver values still being elevated. However, they were lower than before and I guess I took that as a positive because they had lowered. Hopefully that meant the Milk thistle and SamE were helping with that. But there was still no reason that could be found as to what was happening. She said I could have him see a neurologist, but I didn't feel like I wanted to go that route just yet. So we decided to start him on Gabapentin which is for neuropathic pain and for treatment peripheral neuropathy. It was also suggested to increase the pred, but I didn't want to do that just yet. I picked him up and when we got home he was very tired and still very 'out of it' and wobbly and went to sleep. I was really worried. My mind was filled with him losing the use of his legs and what would I do. Get a wheel chair? Carry him? Oh my GOD he is going to be paralyzed. My mind was seriously going crazy..... Friday night I was supposed to do my yearly Superstition Mountains Gong/fire circle thing. How could I possibly go?? So I called the woman I was doing it with and shared what was happening. I said that he is going downhill fast and I can't possibly be away from him she understand. I hung up the phone and got blankets and made a bed on the floor.

21 November 2012 - Wednesday

Ernie has been eating sooo much better for the past two days. It is such a weight off when he eats! He likes the new Weruva food - and I mix it with some dry kibble. He won't eat the grain free which is what is recommended for cancer, but its more important that he keeps weight on. Yesterday he ate some breakfast, lunch and dinner too. Tuesday night we went to the park and played ball for awhile and the fatty (charlotte my chihuahua) even got some exercise. Its very funny to watch her tried and run fast through tall grass with her short little legs. :-) I have talked to the oncologist about increasing the amount of time between treatments and see how he does. Ernie has always been super healthy so medications and vet visits are a new thing to him. Its more important that he has more good days than bad, otherwise what is the point? I have also been able to step down his prednisone and he might be off of that completely by next week depending on how he does. yay. The one yucky thing about cancer is that when there is a good day my mind thinks yay he is cured. But its not like he has an infection that will go away with a round of antibiotics. So we manage it day by day and continue to be grateful for the good days and pray for our continued strength.

today i hit a huge point of frustration... ernie will not eat and i have tried everything. we ended up going to the park and throwing the ball. What he loves to do. I watch him as he chases the ball and comes back with his tail wagging. Sometimes he trips, but he has been doing that as he has gotten older. It's hard sometimes to watch your companion age right in front of you, but even harder to know that he is dying from cancer. He has lost 9 lbs since this started, and if he continues to not eat, he will not be able to maintain himself. Tonight I felt like i wanted to scream or explode or implode or cry or I don't even know. While I am really trying to see what good there is, and be happy when I get good news after vet visits, the process is extremely hard at times. As I type this he is bringing me the ball and squeaking away like life is wonderful. And I am very glad for that! I just wish that it wasn't so challenging at times, and that I didn't have to make weekly visits to the vets, or remember to give him certain medications, or spend hours trying to get him to eat or just be aware that we are in this situation. I can't even incorporate herbs or other holistic remedies because he won't even eat his food to put things in. He even smells the so called odorless Omega 3 that I bought. And speaking of smells - he can now smell anything and everything. I bought him some more squeaky balls and have two of them sitting up on a shelf and he stood below sniffing and staring until I got him another one. There are now 6 or 7 balls floating around the house along with the other toys of his that make fun squeaky noises. When we went to Petco yesterday he knocked a bunch of stuff off of shelves because he had to sniff everything. And when he goes with me to visit friends he has to wander into every one and sniff everything on tables or corners or whatever. Its an odd new behavior. I don't mind it - but I think the super smelling power has an effect on his eating. I am trying to hang in there the best that I can, and luckily I only hit these 'breaking' points every so often. I am a member of a couple online support groups, and have read that the emotional roller coaster is part of the deal. So at least I know that I am not going crazy (crazier).

Monday November 5 update

Monday November 5 Woke up this morning and again tried to sleep until a bit later.. 8:00am but was woken up by the barkers. But - the good news is the Ernie slept by my bed last night. Yay. And when I woke up he was still sleeping peacefully and deeply. So I tiptoed past him and went and started up some coffee. It was past the time he should get his morning meds, but I figured having him sleep was better for him, and well I guess there is a lot of comfort in watching your dog sleep. In fact I probably have a few hours worth of video of him sleeping. "Look - keep watching. In 5 minutes he will twitch... Its so cute, don't you think". Of course I still haven't found anyone that is as interested in watching my dog twitch or dream or snore or whatever. But who cares. I like it. No I love it. So when he finally opened his eyes and slowly got up I saw that he had slept so soundly he urinated in his sleep. He has done this a couple times before - since he has been on the prednisone. No biggie, I cleaned it up and it was on the wooden floor so it only took a couple of seconds. Since he is a dog he had no idea what had happened and enjoy the bonus early morning massage he got with the towel as I dried him off. Very grateful for wooden floors. Much easier that cleaning urine off of the carpet. Not too hungry this morning ... gums still a bit pale, but he still seemed ok. Came home around 2:30pm. Tried some food after letting he and Charlotte out. Not that interested... Made some fish sticks - and mixed with his food. He ended up picking through it and eating the kibble! So I fed him just that. He really was more interested in playing w/ his ball! Its his latest obsession. So while I was trying the whole food thing, Charlotte was trying to get her share. I gave her some and tried to keep getting her out of the way. I could tell ernie was getting a bit annoyed with her. But pretty much ignoring her as usual. So i was getting ready to go back to work and saw Ernie out of the corner of my eye chewing on his ball, and charlotte walked past him to go under the rocker. And he turned and snapped at her and she screamed. I freaked out not knowing what had happened (if there was a bite) and i smacked Ernie and yelled. I just reacted. I didn't hit him hard or anything but, I did smack his back. I felt bad :-( and bad for Charlotte. I retrieved her and she of course was terrified, so i calmed her and she ended up getting a big ole piece of fish. Seriously... not what I need right now!!! So i hung out a little longer and let things chill back to normal. Ernie was still chewing away at his ball like nothing had happened. After work when I got home, still not a lot of interest in food, but i did get him to eat some pizza, and some Blue Buffalo kibble, cheese and some dog treats. He was restless all evening. Rounding up every ball he could find and panting and looking for 'something' and just regular unease. So I decided to try a frozen bone which he hasn't wanted in forever. And... he loved it. He pretty much attacked it with gusto for a bit. And then lost interest. But its ok - at least he did spend some time chomping away at it. Its super late tonight and I need to go to bed. But we ended up going for a walk at 10:30 to try and get rid of some energy. He did great and even tried to chase a cat. And then tracked its scent for awhile. I think the chemo has given him super charged smelling powers. That dog can smell ANYTHING. TOmorrow is his recheck. Praying the blood values are GREAT.

Sunday November 4 update

Well today I tried to sleep in again, but my neighbors constantly barking dog decided he would have none of that. So much for extra sleep. Got up and took Ernie out. Gave him the anti nausea. And then took out Charlotte. Then gave Ernie his pred. It was gorgeous out. I am truly loving this cooler weather. So. Much. I am grateful that we are experiencing this while the weather is cool. It would be so much more of a total drag if it was a convection oven outside. We get to have the door and windows open and its over all delightful! No food interest this morning. But that is somewhat normal these days. Its not as big of a concern as it used to be. After awhile I made eggs and toast. He was very interested but lost interest after a few bites. Today I invited a bunch of people to my Facebook page. And it was a giant dose of reality. I am really glad its out there for my friends, and people who know Ernie but for some reason it brought up so much emotion and I pretty much cried all day. I received a lot of great messages from friends which only brought more tears - but really it was all a wonderful thing. Today was the first time i have really let myself cry. I mean I have cried many times since this has occurred, but it was usually just for a few moments in my office at work or in my car driving. I have a rule to not be over emotional in front of Ernie because he totally picks up on it. And he has no idea why I am upset - or if perhaps he has done something to upset me. But today he was tired, and slept a lot. It was an opportunity to release some of the pain that has been building. The past month and a half has been a roller coaster of sorts and todays release was well... a release. Throughout the day he ate and slept. He was picky, but I did manage to coax him into eating a bunch of different stuff. Fish sticks w/o most of the breading and blue buffalo kibble on and off throughout the day. Oh and some cheese. He is doing okay tonight. His gums are still pale. boo. But we went to get more water (because he drinks at least a gallon a day due to the prednisone) and he grabbed his ball and got in the car. Tonight he even stood up in the back at one point and put his head out the window. Win! He seems to have more energy in the evening and a better appetite too. He ate more kibble plain, some cheese and a bunch of Honest Kitchen treats. Win! He is on the floor chewing his tennis ball.. which has now lost the squeak. But he seems quite content. From looking at him from the outside you wouldn't know that he is suffering from anemia. Overall the day was good - despite the emotional outpouring it really was a good day now that i look back on it. Win :-)

Saturday Night

So its late and I am working on getting this blog together so that I can share with some people what's been going on. But going through the posts and writing stuff has been really hard. Sometimes reality hits me so hard and the tears start coming and just won't stop. If you have had a pet, you know the very special and deep bond that forms between you and them. It's a crazy thing really. I have had Ernie for over 12 years and the time went by in a second. And yet we have been together through so many things that I have tons of great memories. I know that the day will come when that will be all that I am left with, so every moment I try and cherish the time we have together. I am off to bed... its late - and he is already soundly sleeping by the door. Win!!

Saturday November 3rd Update

Today I slept in until almost 9:30am! whoa... It was really great to get some rest. Ernie was by the screen door and awake. He got up and we went out. I gave him his anti nausea meds. We are done with the cerenia and have switched back to Metoclopramide. I waited a bit and then gave him his prednisone. He took it with a piece of cheese (win!). Its so nice when I don't have to 'manually' give it to him. Today we stepped down from the 1 1/2 tabs 2x/day to just 1 tab 2x per day. Let's see how he does! Made some eggs and toast to see if he might eat something. He ate almost 2 eggs, no toast. I was fine with that. I also noticed that he will eat kibble off the floor, but not from the bowl. So I have to scatter a few pieces and leave it there. There have been times he was lying on the floor and the food happened to be in front of him there and he ate it. win. Had a bunch of visitors today. The mail woman Cindy said hello and and Ernie got up and went out to see her. We were talking about Ernie and I mentioned he had cancer. I almost started to cry. It is still hard to say out loud. She has know Ernie for a long time and was sad to hear the news. Part of the reason I love living here in downtown Mesa is that you get to know your mail carriers. The last guy we had retired and I was invited and went to his retirement party. After he and his wife moved to their retirement home, he sent me a postcard! he told me how much he missed Ernie. Ernie likes to rush to the dog and bark like a crazed rabid dog when the mail is delivered. You should see my door... :) After that Jeffrey one of my neighbors popped over for a little bit. And then Star and Danny stopped by on their way back from somewhere just to say hey. Ernie likes visitors. I think he thinks that when someone shows up they are here to see him. The afternoon was quiet, except that I have been watching this tiny bump on Charlottes back. It has gotten a little bit bigger. It looks kind of like a very small wart. arrrrghh... So I made an appointment with my holistic vet for next week and also emailed her to see how quickly it should be looked at. I am hoping she says I can wait a week or two. Next week is Ernie's recheck and it will already be time from work. BUT if it cannot wait, i am ok with that too. I just hope I won't need to start another blog called Charlotte's journey! Thinking POSITIVE. It WILL all be ok. Went to the pharmacy tonight and picked up a refill on Ernies anti nausea medication. And ran into Bashas. Got home and made some pork carnitas (pre made) and added chicken to it to dilute the spices and fat. Its not something I ever buy or eat - but I was thinking that I could add it to his food to entice him. I also bought bacon. If a dog won't eat bacon - then you are in trouble! I need to have 'go to' stuff in the house.... So I put the carnitas mix on kibble - and voila. Yummy for Mr. Ernie. He ate two servings. He seems to be doing ok today. He is definitely more lethargic. So I am letting him sleep when he wants and just layin' low. I had a couple people text me to do stuff tonight, but I really want to just stay in. It was really nice to be invited though :) and have support and understanding from my friends when I have to say no. So now we are just resting. Of course if I got up to and went to the door Ernie would grab his ball and want to go out. but since he is lying on my foot, I won't be moving for awhile. :-)) We will go out and play for a little bit later. The vet said a little bit of walking and play was ok, but to be sure and not overdo it right now.

Friday November 2nd - vet check then ultrasound and anemia

well today was a roller coaster.  had a vet check up.  Went in and his weight has remained stable. yay!  and his lymph nodes have all shrunk and are the best they have been. yay!  They took blood to check to see where he was with the anemia.  We left happy - Ernie with his ball in mouth (he takes his squeaky tennis ball with him everywhere now).  I dropped him off and went back to work.  Got a call from the vet at work.  His blood work shows an even lower PCV.  Meaning his bone marrow isn't producing new red cells, or he is bleeding internally, or who knows.  It was sooo upsetting to hear. My stomach rolled over and I started crying. I said to Dr. Beaver, wow... I am worried. And she said, yeah so am I. So I told work I had to leave and of course couldn't even get it out without losing it. Sometimes its really hard to hold it together. So back to the vets for an ultrasound. This was not the news I was expecting after our 'wins' earlier.  Went home and grabbed Ernie (and the ball in mouth) and went back to the vets.  I waited anxiously for the ultrasound and results.  It seemed like it took hours. They had the Discovery channel on the TV and it was a show about infestations. Rats, cockroaches, bats. Totally freaky and disgusting. But it was so freaky and disgusting that it created a welcome distraction and created conversation between me and the women the work the front desk area.  Finally met w/ the vet and the good news was all looked good inside.  And he didn't stress too much during the procedure.  I asked them to please not put him on his back if they didn't have to, because he doesn't like being on his back and had to do that with his previous ultrasound.  so they did it on his side. And of course prior to the procedure Dr. Beaver had said he is shows any signs that he is really stressing we will pull the plug. They are so great at this place. And have always taken great care to do whatever they can to keep Ernie at east.  Anyways. All looked good...  no tumors, or bleeding or fluid.  But .. now what?  What is causing this anemia??  There is no good answer right now.  So he got a vitamin B shot and a recommendation for iron supplements, and we go back on Tuesday.

Thursday November 1 update

Today Ernie ate much better. He ate another box of Ian's fish sticks, and a couple pieces of pizza. I was able to sneak in some calcium and a multi vitamin. later he actually ate some kibble. Blue Buffalo. Its the only kibble he will eat. and then at 11:45pm he at a small can of Evo. he always seems to get his appetite back late at night... probably from all the years of me staying up being a night owl. Trying to go to bed early, but if he shows interest in food - i jump on it.

Sunday November 3rd Update

Sunday Up at 7:30ish… Gave him 1 anti nausea and 1 ½ tabs pred. He went out to pee. And came back in and I laid back down for a bit. He seemed tired too. I had to get ready to go to a fundraiser in Tempe to play my gongs and bowls and needed to leave by 10am. Tried food … no interest. A bit later he ate a very small bit of egg and some jerky treats. He always seems to love the jerky treats. Left him w/ eggs and jerky treats. I got home around 1pm. He was sleeping by the door and didn’t get up when I came in. A few minutes later he got him up to go and pee. Came in. He ate two jack in the box hamburgers w/o bun and then turned his nose up. I gave another anti nausea at 2:30pm…. Did some stuff in the kitchen. Went into the bedroom and did some internet stuff to get ready for a nap. He peed a bit on the floor when he was lying down. The prednisone causes him to drink TONS of water, so he has had a bit of incontinence. We went outside to pee and came in and had to take a nap. Slept from 3:30pm til 5. Got up took him to pee and tried some food. No go. Seems interested and then turns his nose away. Sigh… so frustrating. He is lying by the door. He loves that. We will go out soon with the ball. I have no internet connection for some reason, but its probably a good thing so I don’t’ spend hours playing solitaire which is my 'go away' activity lately. Sometimes I just need a distraction from this.

Friday October 26 - vet visit and chemo

October 26 Friday Morning….... Pred and anti nausea. Only ½ 20mg tab pred..went out and he went over to Star and Danny’s house and went up on the porch looking for them or their dog Katie.. he didn’t want to come inside … came in and he ate a small can of evo. Left him w/ another can and dry food with jerky treats and went to work. Got home around 1pm to take him to the oncologist. The Ziwi Peak food arrived. He loves it. Gave him a couple of handfuls and put some in a bag with jerky treats to take to the vet. Got to the vet and he did not want to get out of the car. Took me a bit of coaxing to get him out. Went inside and he was a bit nervous, his leg was shaking a bit. The appt would take an hour and a half, so he had to go to the back alone w/ the tech : -( I left and went to sprouts to do some preparatory food shopping for the weekend. Got 2 loaves of Ezekiel hoping that toast will be a winner if he loses his appetite. On my way back and they called he was ready. Great timing. Went in and sat w/ him while I waited for Dr. Beaver. Oh… when they weighed him he had lost 5 lbs :- ( another unhappy face…. While waiting for her and he fell asleep/rested quietly on the floor. He was better than the last time he had the vincristine. The news from Dr. beaver wasn’t great, while she thought he seemed better, he was anemic and of course the weight loss. His liver was a bit enlarged, and his nodes a tiny bit bigger. She feels we backslid a bit with the last drug he had. Boo. She felt he did have a good response the last time to the vincristine, so hopefully this time he will too. He got in the car ok. Last time after the vincristine he couldn’t get in very well. We went to the pet store and got some various foods. The guy there was really nice and talked to me about some different high end foods. We got a few different origen sample bags, arcana and innova. Also canned evo. He ate a bit of cheese in the car. And then when we got home the dogs were out. He visited briefly. And we went in. He ate some more Ziwi Peak food. I started the burger in the crock pot and heated up burger from yesterday. Mixed it w/ rice and a multi vitamin, DHA spray and calcium supplement. He ate some and I saved the rest. He ended up eating the rest later. We also tried eggs – he ate a little and ½ a piece of toast. More Ziwi Peak – almost the whole sample bag (which is about 1 serving for him). And then later we went back out and visited w/ Amanda, Sasha and Sammy. He came in and ate some hamburger (1/4 cup maybe) and about ½ cup of the new innova. I hope he likes that – it’s a good food. He is now lying by the door. And its 10:12pm. I need to think about lying in my bed...

Thursday October 25th update

25 Oct I got up at 7:10 and gave anti nausea and pred. Went outside and he saw Sasha briefly. Ernie defecated right in front of Dannys house! This isn't really like him .. but it was solid stool, so yay. win! It's the little things right now. We came back in and I laid down on the bed for a few minutes. I was so tired today. Up at 8:45am. Breakfast was a small can of evo. Then tried more and he ate it so tried to add turmeric and 1 capsule ground calcium. No go on that one. Showered. He was in a funk today. Tossed the tennis ball around the house and he liked that ☺ off to work …. Left some dry food and jerky (wellness turkey). Home around 6:30 or 7? Dogs went out. Charlotte peed/ ernied 1 and 2. Solid. Went in and he had defecated on the floor in the dining room in the afternoon while I was gone. But it was a solid, good stool. So boo for poo in the house, win for solid stool. Started cooking up hamburger, and when it was almost done I put frozen Trader Joes green beans on top to cook. Started cooking broccoli and washing kale. Gave him about ½ cup rice w/ broccoli and hamburger and 3 pumps of DHA. He loved it. Gave more … had two of the paper bowls full. He doesn't seem to want to eat out of his dog bowl, so I tried paper bowls and he seems to like that. I know weird. But cancer is weird. Made more w/ turmeric and fish oil. No go.. saved it for later. Also added some of the evo from this morning. Went for a walk about 9:30. Just short maybe 20 minutes. Came home and he was hungry. Tried the beef/green bean/evo and fish oil mix (3 capsules) and it was a go – but had to hand feed and then he finished the rest. Tried some tripe. Nose turned up. I think he remembers how sick he got the last time he ate it post viniscrine chemo. :- ( tried some holistic brand duck caviar mixed w/ some evo – and that was a go. Maybe 1/3 of a large can of evo w/ only a spoonful of the caviar. He is resting now….. tomorrow is chemo. Nervous. Also his dose of pred goes to 20 mg/day instead of 40mg/day. I hope he keeps his appetite. That is my big worry right now. I have broccoli, green beans and hamburger cooked in the fridge. Also have some blue buffalo and beef liver too – but he turned his nose up at that .. OH I should get some Ezekiel bread – he seems to always want that … and I could give him that w/ eggs if all else fails. Or we can always try the mcdonals hamburgers I spose. But I really like that he is eating so well right now. Can’t believe its been 22 days since dx. And 21 since day one of chemo. I need to fill in my blanks in my writing. 11:24pm… he has been restless tonight.. and also did this last night. Wandering in and out of rooms looking for something. I think he is looking for food or maybe cardboard or paper :0) anyways… he just settled at the door. I am so happy that I have the screen door for him to look out of and smell smells and get fresh air. He really loves to lay there. Went out for a quick pee. He came in and decided he wanted to play w/ his ball. So we played for about 15 or 20 minutes inside. And then I needed to think about heading to bed. Went to bed, but heard him rummaging around and got up and he was eating paper again!! Gave him some treats and more hamburger. Went back to bed and he finally settled down to sleep.

Wednesday October 24 update

Wednesday Anti nausea 7:15am Out to pee. Defectated – semi solid stool Pred 7:30am I gave him some breakfast around 9. He ate a small can of evo chicken and turkey! Left for work – and left him ½ can evo and dog food Dinner – He ate more evo ½ can plus another can. Plus ground beef w/ 1 tsp turmeric, 3 pumps new DHA, 4 nordic naturals, and 1200 mg calcium. Added some rice to ground beef and green beans. Also ate about a cup of blue buffalo. Later he ate 2.5, and then more ground beef (maybe a cup) at 11:45pm. He was super hungry today!!! I am trying to get the supplements and food in before Fridays chemo in case he gets nauseous and won’t eat…. Plus the last time he had viniscrine he was wobbly and threw up 5 days later. I am not looking forward to dealing w/ any of that ☹ Getting ready to go to bed. He was doing well today. Grocery shopping tomorrow and then energy work w/ my neighbor Star.

Monday October 22 update

Monday Anti nausea at 7am pred around 8 am … he went outside when we got up and saw Sasha the dog that lives across from me. He likes her and she likes him - so it's always nice when they get to vista. He ate a little bit of breakfast, and was not really hungry this morning. Out to work at 9:40am. I got home around 6:00pm. On my day home I stopped and got beef and liver and two chickens. Cooked up the liver. No go… I tell you, that is one of the most disgusting things! I think I almost barfed while I was cooking it. I am not sure how people eat it... bleah! Charlotte my chihuahua however thought it was yummy, so she got a little bit. She is really starting to get a bit pudgy with all this extra food being offered. She is a little sneak so I have to be sure to pickup whatever Ernie decides he can't eat before she sneaks in and gobbles it up. I gave him anti nausea around 7 and pred around 7:45ish. Cooked up hamburger… he ended up eating some hamburger. Before that I tried cheese. He ate some but was acting lethargic and not really hungry. But he did eat the burger (tiny win). And then I added some fish oil (5 caps) and he did eat most of it w/ rice. Big WIN. We went out to see Sasha and he immediately perked up. And then Katie came out. Katie is a new 10 year old border collie mix that my other neighbors just got. She is very shy and sweet. A perfect match for Ernie :-) He didn’t want to come in but I had to go back to work to pickup an animal at the airport. He ate a bit more and I left him some food. Got home around 11:15PM and he was facing away from me focused on something. Found out the focus was the cardboard box he was eating. He must have gotten it out of the recylcle bag. I don’t’ know how much he ate, it was from a box of ziplock baggies and half was left. Sigh… he won't eat regular food - but will eat cardboard. I cooked up some eggs and he scarfed two down. And then when I went into the kitchen to make some more eggs from him, and he snagged my egg and cheese burrito from my plate and tried to eat that! I am glad he is so enthused by food! I made more eggs. He ate two more plus some dog food. He is lying by the door. I need to go to bed its 12:44am.

Thursday October 18 update

Thursday

Anti nausea at 7:45am.  Showered..  pred at 8:15am.

This morning a neighbor dog showed up at the screen door along w/ Sasha who lives across the street. I let him out and the new dog was very friendly and it went fine.  He doesn't really like to run around like a maniac anymore, but does like the company of other dogs.  Well most other dogs.  He went to the bathroom and had ½ diarrhea ½ formed…   he seems tired today .  We came in and he drank water and ate a dog treat and a little jerky.  But  doesn’t seem too off.  Just mellow. 

Chemo today… 

Side effects of Chemo... Here they come

Got up to find that ernie had vomited last night….  L  a big huge wet spot on the carpet.  I found out because he was actually licking it up.  Bleah.

At 8:30am gave pred/anti nausea/anti diarrhea. And some tripe.  Showered and made eggs…..no go..  Was just getting ready to go to work and he was acting weird .. and then bleah…vomited.  It was at 9:15 so I was worried that he threw up his meds.  So I sorted thru tripe vomit … yeah, I did that.….   And didn’t find any pills.  So decided not to give him any more.   We went outside and he settled down.. then we came in.  I left him w/ some some Blue Buffalo dog biscuits and tripe and the eggs.

Came home around 3pm.  He had vomited again – on the floor and on the couch.  Probably came on quickly and couldn’t get up fast enough.  Poor bunny.   Gave him an anti nausea.  We went out back and sat outside for a bit.  Came in.  He started looking for food….  Gave him one biscuit and he ate it, so gave him two more.  He also ate some wellness jerky.  Left a couple of biscuits with him and went back to work.

Home from work late.  Gave pred at 8:30pm – at least got that on time.  Went to run a quick errand and brought the dogs.   Stopped at Mcdonalds to have an  ‘in case’ meal.  Up to now he really likes McDonalds hamburgers.  I really don't care what is 'healthy' or not....  Its all about him eating.  We stopped at his favorite park and he was so happy to be there! I thought maybe we would sit at a picnic table and eat but he wanted to chase his frisbee, So we chased the Frisbee for  a little bit, but became interested in the bag of food I was holding.  So we hopped in the car and headed home.  He ate some hamburger.  Ya. 

Today I bought some Blue Buffalo Wilderness.  I figured if he liked the Blue Buffalo treats, maybe he would like the food.  He ate 1 1/3 cups!!!  What?!?  Yes…  I hope he continues to like it J  it’s a very good food.

He is resting right now.   Tomorrow is chemo. As long as his blood values are good, etc.  I hope that his weight is ok…     

Tuesday 16 October update

Last night no waking up during the night.  Got up and he went out to pee.  Had ½ formed ½ diarrhea this morning.  Seemed bright.  Ate small piece of jerky.  I took a shower and then made some eggs.   He ate some.  Gave pred at 9:00am and anti nausea med this morning to work into new schedule.  Left him w/ the eggs and some treats.

Came home around 3pm w/ tripe.  Went out and he peeeeeeed.  Had a bit of diarrhea.   Came in and offered tripe.  He ate it! Yay!  About ½ a can….  Left some on a plate for him and went back to work.

Stopped at the sunflower pet store on my way home and bought a case of tripe.  Half beef half venison, half regular.  I was so glad they carried the brand I like - Tripett and they had it for a better price than amazon.

Came home  and took him out and he peeeeeed.  He was in good spirits.   Stayed out for a little bit and came in.  He ate more tripe.  I tried mixing some omega 3 in.  no go.  He can smell everything I tell you….   He ate some more plain.  Will try the mix later to get the omega threes in.  I only added 3 pills., he should get 5.  Sigh...  But at least he ate.    

I went outside and helped a neighbor with moving some furniture.  Ernie really liked being out and about and around people.  He didn’t want to come home back in.  But I had spinach pie in the oven and I need to eat too….  

He has some heavy breathing tonight…  pred??

10:00pm – anti nausea med 

10:30pm three omega threes

Monday 15 October

Monday 15 october

Morning….  Ernie went out to pee … a lot.  Guess it’s the pred.  I went back and laid in bed.  He didn’t wake me up last night.   So either I slept well, or he slept well. 

Got a call from work and had to make some calls, was a bit stressed.  He didn’t seem to be too effected.  Although it did appear that the dogs barking at the neighbors did stress him out a bit.  Unless now he knows it stresses me so he gets stressed.  Don’t know.  

Tried some treats – Turkey jerky by wellness.   He likes them.  Also wilderness treats by Blue.  Gave him pred ½ hour early to try and get the time adjusted to earlier so that I can give it and get to work on time.  Also gave him the anti diarrhea which he spit out…   gave it again and he chewed it into a bunch of pieces.  He did end up getting some but it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

Today he ate treats as I left and didn’t bolt for the door.  I was very glad about that.  Today I decided not to come home and check on him.  It was hard.

On my way home I stopped at the ranch market and got some chicken.  He seemed to like the jerky I bought (USA made from Sunflower Pets).  That stuff isn’t cheap…  So I decided to try and make some of my own.

In the meantime I  tried some eggs…. Picky.  Ate a few.  My other dog Charlotte kept being a creeper. That was annoying him.   I was glad he had the spirit to be annoyed if that makes sense. 

We went outside to play ball – he had good energy.  Then went for a walk to the bungalow and visited for a bit.  Got home jerky still not ready .. 

Pred at 9:00pm.  Also gave him 5 omega 3.  Wish he would eat ‘normal’ so I could put the oil on his food, but he is still so picky I don’t want to do anyting to mess with the taste. He started getting really hungry and ate the rest of the eggs.  Refused cheese, dog food (no surprise) and evo treats.   Got the jerky from the oven and he ate a bunch.  5 or 6 pieces.  Yay!!  Need to make a bunch more next time.  He doesn’t like cooked chicken, but likes the jerky a lot.

He wanted to go to the porch when I did, he really likes to lie out there and is lying by the door right now.  His breathing seems to be more under control and he isn’t panting,  or seeming to be restless. 

Saturday was rough ….  He was lethargic and wobbly still.  Saturday night he got really confused, and was ‘looking’ for something it seemed like..   almost cut the pred dose, but decided to just wait it out… I was very concerned and ended up calling the vet.  She wasn't sure what was going on, but said to keep an eye on him and call tomorrow if I needed to or he got worse.   Sunday he was tired – stayed up late, today was much better.  I just am hoping for him to feel as good as he can as an older boy.   Love him so much its crazy. 

Back out on the porch for a few minutes and then to bed.  Its after midnite….  I haven’t really been too mindful of taking care of myself, and I need to try and be better about that.  I also want to try and be better about journaling, but its hard to keep track of everything and I just get so frustrated and exhausted. 

Today – anti diarrhea, pred 30 mg x2 and 5 omega 3.

Eggs, chicken jerky, dog treats

Wednesday September 26 The First Ultrasound

September 26 - the Ultrasound

This morning was the ultrasound.  Saw my neighbor George.  George, Susan and their sister Julie live next door to me.  They have been her 9 years, so have known Ernie for a long time.  They always babysit him when I go out of town.  When they moved in they brought their female lab Ali.  Ernie and Ali LOVED each other!!  They were together as best buds for 7 years.  Ali is with us in spirit now.  She also had cancer, but it wasn't discovered until it was too late.  It was very very sad to lose her.  And Ernie lost a best pal.

Anyways, I stopped George to tell him something was going on with Ernie.  Of course it didn't come out with the tears starting....  and continuing.  It was so hard to speak the words that Ernie was not well and it could very well be something serious.  But I was glad I told George.  He was concerned and saddened and tried to stay positive.

I finished getting ready to take Ernie, but was really procrastinating.  I finally got out the door and the vets office called. Where was I?  The ultrasound people just called.  OH NO I thought!  I am going to miss my appointment!!  I ran to the car and we jumped in and I drove about 90 MPH to the vets. I got there and said - am i on time?? And she said, oh well they will be here between 12 and 1....  phew.  but whoa...  thank goodness i didn't get a ticket!

So the deal was that I would drop Ernie off and then they would call me when the mobile ultrasound folks were on their way.  Then i could come and be with him during the procedure.  But she said I might only have 10 minutes notice.  Well that meant no going back to work ....  there would be no way I could get there in time.  And really - how could I work?? I decided that when i left I would just wait at home.  So they took Ernie to the back.  Well they tried.  He didn't want to go, so i had to walk back there with him.  I gave the leash to the tech and he hit the brakes and looked at me.  It was really hard... He has never been left at a vets office alone in his life.  I turned and left.

When I got home I really couldn't settle....  I called a friend and chatted for an hour or so.  She is does energy work on animals, and is very nice and understand what i was going through.  And at this point not many people knew what was going on (I didn't know yet either!) so it was nice to chat with someone all the way in Minnesota.  After hanging up I decided to go to the Catholic bookstore and pick up a St. Francis Medal.  Ernie has lost his, so I wanted to get him another one.  I couldn't seem to locate it, and its right on main street by my house.  So I picked up my phone to get the address.  It was 11:11....  I called 411 and the recording gave me the address....  111 Main St.  wow.  all these ones...  anyway - I found the store and it was great.  Got a medal and a few extras too and headed towards the vet clinic to find a coffee shop.

Found a coffee shop and got an iced coffee.  After I bought it I decided it probably wasn't the best choice since i was already quite nervous and completely filled with anxiety.  Left and got into my car and decided to keep driving towards the clinic and maybe find a Starbucks for some passion tea.  I just keep driving and before I knew it was driving right past the clinic when my phone rang.  It was them.!!  They said the ultrasound people would be there soon.  I said "oh ...  Umm.. I am pretty close, I will be there soon" ..  so I did a u turn and showed up.

When they called me back to the procedure Ernie was already on his back in a foam cradle and he looked pretty terrified.  His stomach was shaved.  I went to him and just petted him and talked softly.  I was actually quite calm.  The ultrasound vet was the vet who comes to the zoo.  I didn't know him - but thought it was great he is the guy we use.  Guess because he is mobile.

He commented to me as he did the procedure.  Noting things that looked good and normal.  And then the spleen.  he said it was mottled - but no tumors.  yahoo!!  but ... then he said it looks like it would if it was lymphoma.  he said if it was hemangiosarcoma we would be heading into surgery right now.  But lymphoma is treatable, but has to be done right away.  At that point I was so relieved that there weren't any tumors and all his nodes looked clear that i was like.  Well ok.  Lymphoma.. Treatable..  That is all I heard.  And so I said - can Ernie go to Pinetop??  and the ultrasound vet said yes! go! have fun :)  Then my vet came in and he told her what he saw and she was shocked.  Not what she expected.  and Oh no ..  And I was thinking what's the big deal.  there aren't any tumors. yay!  his nodes are clear. yay!  And he can go to Pinetop!The diagnosis at this point still meant nothing to me.    They then needed to do a biopsy to confirm.  And at this point I was also thinking, well if they have to do a biopsy then of course there is room for error.  Of course they are wrong and Ernie just has a funky spleen that is 2 1/2 times larger than it should be.  He has always been an unique canine.....

They finished the exam and got Ernie down and we put him back in the kennel.  I started to talk to Dr. King and then it HIT me.  We went to her office.  And talked.

I left and went to pick up some dog food.... and pick up my friend who was in town.  I was so glad he was here.  I so needed a really good friend to talk to.

Tuesday 25 September The vet visit and discovery

25 September 2012

So there we were at the vet.  He stepped on the scale and had lost 6 pounds.  My stomach flipped over. The month earlier he had been on a diet to get rid of about 5 pounds or so.  He has always been a very active dog, but had put on a few extra pounds and that really doesn't help with a dogs aging joints.  However, I hadn't planned on that quick of a weight loss, and that's when i started to get a bit worried.   

The vet came in - Dr. Betsy King who I absolutely adore and Ernie does too.  She is a holistic vet as well as a traditional vet - so i get the best of both worlds.  She looked Ernie over and said she just really felt he didn't fell comfortable and would really like to get X-rays.  I asked wow, how much - but not sure why because it didn't matter.  They were going to be done.  So off Ernie and her went while I waited and tried not to panic.

Well..........  she came back and went to pull of the X-rays..  hmm somethings up, I will be right back she said.  Well turns out only one turned out, but she said it was enough to see that his spleen was quite enlarged.  And that Ernie was very very scared :(((  during the X-rays so she didn't want to repeat them, she saw enough to know his spleen is at least two times its normal size.  OH MY GOD. What does that mean?  I am freaking out.  Well.... it could be this or that and worst case scenario - hemangiosarcoma. WHAT?!?  She said..  worst case.. Lets not go down that road!  Ummm okay dokey.  So she said the next step was an ultrasound.  Either at an office, or she could have the mobile vet come in then I could be there with him.   Mobile Vet it was.  She asked if i would baby sit some needles why she went to make calls, and i said of course.  My vet also happens to be an acupuncturist, so she gave Ernie a gratis treatment to soothe his aging hip.  She left.  I waited.  

Lucky enough the mobile vet could come tomorrow.  But they don't come at a specific time - kind of like a repairman kind of deal.  So to be sure i didn't miss the appointment, I would need to drop Ernie in the morning, and then wait for a call.  ok.  that's fine I guess.

I was already a mess...  Ernie might need surgery, or worse have cancer.  or or or or

I left the room and paid my giant bill and went home.  Bleah.

I let my friend know our trip might be off because Ernie might have to have surgery but I wouldn't know a thing until tomorrow.  I didn't tell anyone else.  It was ok.  Everything would be okay.

next ....  the ultrasound...

The Beginning of the beginning

This is the beginning of Ernie's journey...  His journey with Lymphoma.  Ernie is a approximately 13 1/2 year old mixed breed dog.  I say approximately because I got him from a rescue shelter 12 years ago.  Well... August of 2012 to be exact.  Anyways....  I thought if i wrote about the next path in his journey it might help me to cope and handle the situation in the most positive way possible.

It really started with me noticing that Ernie was getting a bit picky about his food.  I thought maybe it was the supplement that i had been adding for months, or because he was a senior.  So I tried removing the supplement (that helped) and adding more canned.  both seemed to make a bit of difference.  And then his breathing changed.  He was on the bed one night and he was breathing very loudly.  In fact, it kind of annoyed me, but I thought - hey he's older maybe his joints are aching.  I can deal, no problem.  I felt a little guilty, but I couldn't get to sleep.  Maybe you know how that goes.  Anywys,  he ended up getting up (he doesn't really sleep on the bed all night anyway and hasn't for a long time). But that night he seemed very restless.  I heard him get up a bunch of times, and the loud breathing continued.  Kind of like he was taking sniffs.  The next morning when I gave him breakfast he looked at me as if so say 'hey, i really don't feel well!'.  I decided he needed to go to the vet.  He was still doing all his normal things.  Getting up to go outside, visiting w/ the neighbors, etc.  But i could tell something was off.  In fact I had been at my friends on Saturday and he just seemed restless ...  Just not so sure what it was.  

I was planning on going to Pinetop, AZ with a friend who was coming from MI.  So I absolutely wanted to be sure that he was okay.  I guess I kind of thought that we would discuss his diet and his finicky attitude (in denial, of course it couldn't be lack of appetite).

So I made an appointment for the next day - the 25th of September.