the 29th of December... another collapse

Wednesday we had the collapse and recover ... And then Thursday morning we had a repeat. I was in the bathroom early in the morning and Ernie walked in and fell over and then started urinating. I got up and grabbed a towel and then got him up. We went outside and he was wobbly and weak again. He defecated and wobbled really bad. I picked him up and carried him to the back door and he struggled to walk in the house. Crap. I gave him his iron supplement and a bit of food, his pred and anti nausea. And waited. But he didn't seem to be 'recovering' like he did yesterday. So i showered. When I got out, more of the same. This time I was worried and called the vet. They said to bring him in. I had to drop him off so that my oncologist could see him between appts. While waiting for them to call us, I was waiting for him to fall over. There were other clients in the waiting room and I felt like everyone was staring at us. I know that sounds weird, but most people are in there for cancer treatments of some sort and I feel like people look at you and your dog to see how you are both handling things. Or maybe that's what I do - and I just think everyone else does that. I don't know, but it seemed like it took forever. The tech finally came out (but really I was only waiting maybe 10 minutes) and got some info. Then we went to the dreaded scale. But he had lost less than a pound. I had thought he had lost tons of weight because I so easily was able to carry him. But he was still at 61 lbs. I think an angel was on my shoulder and gave me the strength I needed. So I left him there. Its always so horrible - he never wants to leave me and puts on the brakes. I just have to go - because standing there telling him its ok just makes things worse. It needs to be no big deal. Later that day Dr. Beaver called and said that she would like to do blood work, and also and EKG. She said that she had taken him for a walk and observed the 'drunk walking' like I was talking about. And had also checked his paws for a response, and he had proprioceptive deficits. Basically you flip the back paw over and when the dog doesn't reposition the flipped paw w/in a number of seconds, they have proprioceptive deficits. The reasons for this could be all sorts of things. Lymphoma in the spine, a problem with the spine itself, a herniated disk, etc. And no one at this point was sure what was going on. Part of me was still thinking that this was a reaction to the vincristine (a chemo drug he had gotten) but I was also concerned that it was something much worse. We ruled out the lymphoma in the spine because the episodes come and go - and were not constant. So that was a relief. His heart looked good, his blood pressure was good, the blood values came back good except for the liver values still being elevated. However, they were lower than before and I guess I took that as a positive because they had lowered. Hopefully that meant the Milk thistle and SamE were helping with that. But there was still no reason that could be found as to what was happening. She said I could have him see a neurologist, but I didn't feel like I wanted to go that route just yet. So we decided to start him on Gabapentin which is for neuropathic pain and for treatment peripheral neuropathy. It was also suggested to increase the pred, but I didn't want to do that just yet. I picked him up and when we got home he was very tired and still very 'out of it' and wobbly and went to sleep. I was really worried. My mind was filled with him losing the use of his legs and what would I do. Get a wheel chair? Carry him? Oh my GOD he is going to be paralyzed. My mind was seriously going crazy..... Friday night I was supposed to do my yearly Superstition Mountains Gong/fire circle thing. How could I possibly go?? So I called the woman I was doing it with and shared what was happening. I said that he is going downhill fast and I can't possibly be away from him she understand. I hung up the phone and got blankets and made a bed on the floor.