well here it is 2013.... A new year and Ernie is still here with me. I cannot believe that its been over 3 months since we started this journey. It has been a series of ups and downs and ups and downs. A true roller coaster.
Ernie is still doing chemo - and today he had his 4th treatment of doxorubicin. He does okay with the drug. He isn't hungry tonight... But we have gone through so many episodes of not hungry that I am almost used to it. We spent some time outside playing fetch with the stick and he was happy and interactive and enjoyed himself. So we will try more food tomorrow.
His lymphoma appears to be in check for now. And while he did have some times when his kidney values were high, they seem to have gone back to normal. And his liver values are good as well. yesterday he went to see his holistic vet Dr. King for acupuncture and an overall assessment and she said she was impressed. That was really great to hear.
However .... for that past week or so Ernie has had more period of acting weird. He hasn't been sleeping well at night and will wake up and seem disoriented and try to lay down in weird places like right on top of charlotte's bed. I had to put Charlotte's portable bed on the regular bed for her to sleep in because he would sometimes wakeup and almost step right on her. He likes to be on the bed, and if he is on the floor and is pacing, then all I hear is tick, tick, tick, tick tick of his nails. so it was working having her just sleep in her little "house" until he now tries to climb on top. This morning at 3am he actually climbed in. So today I called Dr. King to see what she thought about what's happening. We have also been in the car a few times where he climbs up on whatever is in the back seat and sits there in what appears to be a very uncomfortable position. We don't really know what's going on, and both my holistic vet and oncologist don't feel its related to pain. So we are wondering if perhaps if nausea. Not sure. But the not sleeping at night is getting really hard to deal with. There are times when i fall asleep at 4am and still have to get up for work. sigh ... We are going to try a chinese herb to see if that helps balance him out a bit. My holistic vet studies Chinese medicine and she said that when there is imbalance like with what he has it will manifest at night. So I will pick that up this weekend and we will see how it goes.
the other thing is that he has spent the last few weeks eating things!! he ate half a shirt, 20 or so pages out of a book, a cardboard box, a washcloth, and i can't even remember what else.... So i have removed anything he can pick up and chew. The one annoying thing was a favorite pillow that he chewed the edges on .. sigh.
Emotionally, well.... what can I say. There are some days I want to cry and scream at the same time. The level of frustration, worry and sadness that sometimes overcomes me can be unbearable. But I really try to move forward. I know that there will be plenty of time to cry when he is gone, and I am really learning not to sweat the little stuff. I am so aware now of moments of emotion that will pass. Situations will change, nothing really ever stays the same. In fact I continue to learn more about myself every day from Ernie. So grateful.
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