today i hit a huge point of frustration... ernie will not eat and i have tried everything. we ended up going to the park and throwing the ball. What he loves to do. I watch him as he chases the ball and comes back with his tail wagging. Sometimes he trips, but he has been doing that as he has gotten older. It's hard sometimes to watch your companion age right in front of you, but even harder to know that he is dying from cancer. He has lost 9 lbs since this started, and if he continues to not eat, he will not be able to maintain himself. Tonight I felt like i wanted to scream or explode or implode or cry or I don't even know. While I am really trying to see what good there is, and be happy when I get good news after vet visits, the process is extremely hard at times. As I type this he is bringing me the ball and squeaking away like life is wonderful. And I am very glad for that! I just wish that it wasn't so challenging at times, and that I didn't have to make weekly visits to the vets, or remember to give him certain medications, or spend hours trying to get him to eat or just be aware that we are in this situation. I can't even incorporate herbs or other holistic remedies because he won't even eat his food to put things in. He even smells the so called odorless Omega 3 that I bought. And speaking of smells - he can now smell anything and everything. I bought him some more squeaky balls and have two of them sitting up on a shelf and he stood below sniffing and staring until I got him another one. There are now 6 or 7 balls floating around the house along with the other toys of his that make fun squeaky noises. When we went to Petco yesterday he knocked a bunch of stuff off of shelves because he had to sniff everything. And when he goes with me to visit friends he has to wander into every one and sniff everything on tables or corners or whatever. Its an odd new behavior. I don't mind it - but I think the super smelling power has an effect on his eating. I am trying to hang in there the best that I can, and luckily I only hit these 'breaking' points every so often. I am a member of a couple online support groups, and have read that the emotional roller coaster is part of the deal. So at least I know that I am not going crazy (crazier).